“Distance Makes Heart Grow Anxious” case # 28

Lindsay and Ron in “Distance Makes Heart Grow Anxious” case # 28 are trying to maintain a long distance romantic relationship (LDR) while they both attend a different college. They used several forms of media to communicate with each other.  They felt presence with each other through the use of technology devices. They also developed a plan to communicate with each other by calling, using Skype, e-mailing, texting, periodic visits, and having a real live talk on Fridays. They felt present in their cyberspace with each other. They integrated the three dimensional roles of media into their relationships by using gaming (physical presence), texting (social presence), and face book (self presence). 

Lindsay felt uncertainty when Ron developed a friendship with women at his school and she wasn’t sure of the nature of their relationships. In order for Lindsay to reduce anxiety she had to start to reduce the uncertainty. Hofstede "refers to these variations as the uncertainty avoidance dimension, the extent to which the culture( Lindsay’ LDR) feels threatened by ambiguous, uncertain situations and tires to avoid them by establishing more structure" (pp.115, para.1). Reducing uncertainty also reduces unpredictability and anxiety. Ron’s disclosure was hard for Lindsay to discuss and communicate to him online whether something else was happening without her presence. She wasn’t sure how to interrupt his female’s comments on his face book and it created some anxiety. Then she visited Ron at his campus. Upon her return from her weekend visit she felt more secure because she reduced her uncertainty by getting a visual of Ron’s setting. Reducing this uncertainty helped further develop and maintain their relationship. She visited his campus and met his female lesbian friend. 

They increased their presences by appraising their LDR life and figured that they wanted to increase their presence with each other. Their communication helped them cope with their re-appraisal.  As a result, they decided to play a new call of duty game online on Wednesday. They will watch a crime drama and text each other about it.  These social factors lead to their presence of feeling that their body was in another place and their heart is united. They felt that their interactions, relationship, society, and their personal identity were out in their shared cyberspace.

Using cyberspace technology allowed them to feel immediacy within their behavior toward each other. The indirect and nonverbal affectionate communication helped establish their emotional closeness with each other. They set the tone in their environmental presence as a special date of togetherness. Their used immediacy behaviors as verbal or non verbal communication to help develop closeness in their relationship. Lots of verbal behaviors and personal forms of expression in relational closeness existed between Lindsay and Ron. Their nonverbal communication played a big role in promoting a relational closeness. Lindsay was always smiling, very confident, keeping an open mind, outgoing, and trusting her LDR. Her immediacy behaviors conveyed warmth, communicated positive relational affect, signaled approach and availability for communication, and created an increased of physiological arousal in Ron.  Their  media tone and the communication and time boundaries they set for their relationship to thrive. Each form of media communication probably followed with a time of an emotional reflection. Re-reading their text or Skype messages throughout the week helped them relive their presences, closeness, and immediacy with each other making the heart grow closer with each reflection.

Their plan followed the communication and researches of LDRS relationships strategies found in our text.  “Psychology and communication researchers who study LDR’s support group of lonely lovers list several coping strategies; 1). Send a video to each other, 2). Text about little things, and  3). Don’t talk about the relationships too much when they see each other, and just enjoy the time together.” (pp.224).  Lindsay stood up for what she valued and told her brother,  All relationships take hard work, use the relational score card and try to make one relationships last longer than one month by applying what I do with my long distance relationship. This is the same scenario that my brother and sister share about her LDR.

Both Lindsay and Ron explored and found what was needed to maintain their long-distance relationship.  Feelings of love and liking are the foundation of close relationships (pp.116, para.1). Love develops when it is shared and returned. Lindsay and Ron affection is based on having an enjoyable interaction with each other and that is why their long distance relationship (LDR) is working. Technology has changed the way we communicate in LDR. There are several things that are needed to maintain a LDR. First, Lindsay has two forms of social support to help her cope with LDR. Several kinds of self disclosures occurred between Ron and Lindsay. They resolved this by meeting each others friends, getting a visual on Ron’s setting in, and increase their time interacting with other media strategies.  It helped them develop their trust further for each other. In LDR relationships, couples are likely to idealize their partners and relationships than couples that are physically together because they spend quality time together and accentuate the positive elements of their relationship. 

Then, Lindsay became friends with other ‘lonely lovers’ who were also in a LDR.  They discussed and shared their plans to maintain their LDR. It followed the communication and researches of LDRS relationships strategies found in our text.  “Psychology and communication researchers who study LDR’s support group of lonely lovers list several coping strategies; 1). Send a video to each other, 2). Text about little things, 3). Don’t talk about the relationships too much when they see each other, and just enjoy the time together.” (pp.224).  

I think that combining media and face to face communication will help Lindsay and Ron’s long distance relationships thrive. Being apart will help them appreciate and value each other. Both of them are committed to integrating the three dimensional roles of media into their relationships by using gaming (physical presence), texting (social presence), and face book (self presence).