Case 12- The Embarrassment of Disclosing Private Information in Public

Case 12 story describes Jennifer and Matt as newlywed couple that are having a hard time adjusting to each others families as individuals and as a couple. Jennifer family values their privacy boundaries and Matt's family; privacy is expressed openly with all their family members. Jennifer and Matt are having conflict on the way they each disclose privacy with his family. 

I will analyze Matt and Jennifer dealings with terms of privacy, disclosure, and boundary management. Their culture, values, beliefs, and traditions exist in different two co-cultures that vary in their privacy boundaries as individuals. Matt and Jennifer do not know what their couple boundaries are in order to manage their self disclosure in their lives as a couple. Matt feels that Jennifer’s privacy was problematic. Jennifer feels that Matt’s open disclosure about their life as a couple is a form of betrayal of their relationship and trust because they weren't clear on their boundaries.

Matt’s mother, Kelly wants Jennifer to call her mom but Jennifer is uncomfortable. Matt discloses to his mother, Kelly that his wife, Jennifer doesn’t feel comfortable calling her mother. Matt’s disclosure was damaging to his wife because they had not established boundaries nor talked about their boundary management as a couple.  Jennifer never had a chance to choose how to disclose this information and when to do so. Thus, Jennifer can’t protect her identity management because her husband doesn’t honor their boundary management.  He continues to live in his parent’s privacy disclosure boundary management style with no regard to establishing a new culture as a couple with his wife.

Jennifer is trying to understand Matt’s open disclosure culture that is opposite of her family private disclosure culture. Matt’s disclosures were so damaging because the continued nonstop disclosures cause stress to create boundary turbulence.  It happens when private information is revealed implicitly, non verbally, and indirectly disclosed to others. For example, Matt shares that Jennifer doesn’t want to have children yet in front of his entire family. This is an example of self-disclosure and boundary management. They did not coordinate their boundary structure and their rules on telling Matt’s family the news together about delaying having children.  Matt continues to step outside Jennifer’s individual boundaries of privacy because he does not understand it. As a result, it creates boundary turbulence which causes Matt to discuss his and Jennifer’s issue about having a baby with his entire family at the dinner table.  Matt oversteps their permeable boundaries- we won’t share information that we want kept in private.   

Their co-orientation of being oriented the same way toward a common object of interest their relationship face work of building a new image in the relationship is beginning to be re-negotiated because Jennifer does not want to have a baby. Boundary turbulence occurs when some new events force renewed boundary management changes to co-ordination.  If they are not attuned to each other, their face work will be harder and their co-ordination will be harder and take extra effort and may be more destructive than constructive if they don’t become attuned to each others needs.   Boundaries turbulence affects their relationship autonomy and connectedness because they have not communicated and negotiated their privacy boundaries as a couple.